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  #1  
Old August 7th, 2006, 11:31 AM
ousoonerfaninbatonrouge ousoonerfaninbatonrouge is offline
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Default Parents of children what do you suggest

I went to go drop off my 4 year old in day care today and his teacher pulled me aside well he was eating bark, she asked him not to after the third time she put him in time out he told her his mom was going to beat her up (which isn't true) he went and ate bark a fourth time she again put him in time out so this time he told her he was going to get a gun a shoot her. No we don't have guns in our house so he don't have access to them nor would we give him access to anything considered a weapon.

He says things like this to us often or "I am going to chop your head off." Now we don't take this lightly and will punish him for this type of outburst. Now he starts kindergarten in 10 days while we may be able to assure his teachers that he don't have access to a gun when he is 8 or maybe 9 this kind of statement can land him in juvie maybe. So does anybody have any advice on how to deter this kind of verbal outburst.
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Old August 7th, 2006, 12:46 PM
VTJen VTJen is offline
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I have no first hand experience with this with my own children. But working in a school office for several years that had a no violence policy I do know that some schools take it very seriously. One particular instance with a very young student threatening to blow up the school (which would not have been possible) they still had to follow the procedure line out for them by the school district. The police had to be called, the school counselor and Mental Health. No arrests or charges were made, but the child did have to recieve counselling at Mental Healt and the School Counselor had to work with him extensively until he learned to express his frustrations in a different manner - this was a young student about first grade. In older students they are suspended and have to receive counseling.

I would call the school and ask to speak to the principal and explain what you have just shared her (must likely this behavior has already been reported to the school in your childs permanent record). It will establish a good precedent to the school that you are an involved and concerned parents and that you are working toward solutions on your own, not just trying to have the school deal with this problem without parental support. I know princiapals and administration appreciate these types of parents are are glad to know that you are all part of the same team. I would ask what is the school policy and what procedures are in place should this behavior continue, I would asked to be called immediately should an incident happen at school and if it is possible for you to be involved in decision making for how it can be resovled.

I would even ask perhaps to have a meeting with the school guidance counselor to ask for strategies of how to teach your child learn word choices for expressing himself or any books that might be helpful for you or age appropriate for you child to have read to him.



I would try and do it before school starts. It might be that the school would call a Team Meeting where you (the parents) the classroom teacher the principal and a school counselor all sit down and have a specialized plan in place if there should be a problem. It is always better to have a strategy already in place so people can follow a plan.

I hope that you can get some help. Communicate with the school. If they are a caring place then they will welcome your input.
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  #3  
Old August 7th, 2006, 12:53 PM
Luanne Russo Luanne Russo is offline
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I deal with this a lot in the classrooms I teach, and this is what I suggest. At that age, he is repeating what he has heard from others. You have to find the source. Make sure that it isn't something he is getting from family members. Sometimes we say things we don't mean, but at his age, he doesn't know the difference. Next, go to his sources of play. Friends, video games, cartoons. You are probably going to hear the same words from one of those sources.

The important thing is to not let someone tell you that he will out grow it, and let it get worse. At his age, he can be redirected, and can learn the right way from the wrong.

I am not sure how La, deals with this type of problem in there schools, but you as the parent are in for a lot of heartache once he gets to the regular schools, if it is not stopped soon.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You can be of help, and show your child a must happier way of doing things. If you need someone to talk to, or help in coming up with something to do, please feel free to e-mail me.

Good Luck

Luanne

PS I ate glue and play do and the worst that happened to me is I grew up to spend way to much time on message boards.
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  #4  
Old August 7th, 2006, 01:15 PM
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I have experience in similar, flbw, situations, but not with my own kids. PM me if you'd like my two cents.
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  #5  
Old August 7th, 2006, 05:18 PM
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Hi,
Does he go to a pediatrician? Sometimes they can give advice on how to handle it. I would do the same as you, ask lots of advice.

My mother is one of my biggest sources of advice after raising six children.

My in laws had a son who was more difficult than the others. It might have been his way of getting attention. David was sandwhiched between a brother with learning disabilities(getting lots of the attention because of it) and a sister who could do no wrong. I know it was a great source of frustration for them. Maybe your son is using this as a way to get attention. Is he a middle child and your wife has a baby at home?

My brother had behavioral problems when he had to go to Kindergarten and my Mom was home with my sister.

I would focus on your son more during times when he is being good. Praise him when he is being good and do something special with him. I know this is easier said than done as I have my 4 year old and I find myself too much on the computer doing work lately. I actually have Wednesday off so I think I will take him to the zoo instead of being on the computer.
Keep us updated.
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  #6  
Old August 7th, 2006, 05:55 PM
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My son has outburst like that all the time. Threatening remarks etc.
his biggest being if you don't----- i'll hurt you or what ever-------
I think it's a stage that he's going thru. I also think he's immitating punishment you give him (I give him)--I've said before if you don't -------(fill it in with what ever) I'll spank you or put you in time out etc.
I've heard the more issue you make out of it--the more they'll do it. it's attention driven. They learn at that age what pushes your buttons and what gets you upset then they'll do everything in their power to pull it off. we're really going thru a time right now with our 5yo. however, i'm trying not to make a big deal of it while teaching him correct behavior.
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  #7  
Old August 7th, 2006, 06:02 PM
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If I recall correctly didn't you just move? Was your son part of this move? My years of experience as a daycare provider and a parent have taught me that children DO NOT like change whether it be something minor or something major. What may seem trivial to us can be a major issue to a child.

Also, monitor the types of show he his watching. Some cartoons that seem fine for children actually aren't. They show "simple" violent acts (ex. Bugs Bunny and Daffy, Roadrunner & Coyote etc). Talk to parents of his friends and see if they are experiencing the same thing. You may need to limit what he watches, sees on video games and hears from adults, even at other peoples houses. Try to put him another room or distract him when the news is on. We all know that are news is not the most happy thing most of the time to listen to and watch.

Good luck
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Old August 7th, 2006, 06:20 PM
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I was going to say the same thing as nolou525. Change is hard on me, let alone a child. Good luck!!!
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Old August 7th, 2006, 10:57 PM
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Good advice from all. As a day care teacher, I have been the recipient of such outbursts many times (and unfortunately, one child was from such a dysfunctional home that when he told me after I put him in time out, that he would come back to school with a gun and shoot me, I beleived him!)

As for advice, take a little of what everyone said. Time, attention, and patience, and modelling appropriate behaviour are what he needs right now.

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Old August 8th, 2006, 12:56 AM
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Mrs. Cynic has had to deal with this kind of behaviour, and far worse, in her daycare. Unfortunately, she cannot, and will not, be the primary educator of these children (that's the parent's job) so the contract is terminated immediately.

One child even said she was locked in a closet all day.... not true.... and had to be let go right away. On top of all that, her father was a police officer.

There are children who hit, bite, act up and curse for attention, but those with the "vivid imaginations" are far the most dangerous to a caregiver. A child can be believed, even if he/she is lying, and that can end a career. No chance can be taken with such children.
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Old August 8th, 2006, 02:46 AM
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As a nurse, I highly suggest that you see a pediatrician (get recommendations from your neighbors and business associates as you are new to the area.) Believe it or not, allergies can cause a drastic behavior and personality change. As you have just recently moved to Louisiana, maybe there is something there in your new home or the school that is affecting your child.

It may be as simple as your child being angry over the move from Texas to Louisiana - kids HATE change!!!! This may be the only way he can express that anger. Maybe all he needs to hear is that the move was not to punish him? Young children get such strange ideas that are so far from the truth - adults think they have explained something fully and the kid goes ok, but inside he just doesn't get it! He could also be exposed to this type of language from his new classmates at day care - watch what he is seeing and hearing on TV, radio, the computer, movies, etc.

But, this behavior must be addressed and addressed now. I do agree with talking to the principal at the new school - let him know of the major changes in your child's life and let them know you are working to find the cause and a way to help him change. Please let us know how things are going!
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Old August 8th, 2006, 10:31 AM
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I'm wondering what he's watching on TV...he has to be hearing this somewhere. I watched Cartoon Network with my 4 yr. old grandson and I was shocked...I can't believe what they are putting out there for our young children...very violent cartoons.

Once they start School, those kinds of comments are taken very seriously. Praying that you can work this out together.

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Old August 8th, 2006, 11:21 AM
ousoonerfaninbatonrouge ousoonerfaninbatonrouge is offline
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Let me give some history. If you consider Cops, Dog the bounty hunter and many sporting events violent then I made a mistake in judgement. When my wife was pregnant she was very anxious always going to the er to see if she had lost the baby now since I can not relate to being pregnant I can't say anything about that.

We don't have a pediatrician yet because we don't have insurance but as of September 9 we will.

The move was all of us so it wasn't as if my wife were getting a divorce and he went with me and didn't understand what was going on. The advantage of the move was he is closer to his grandmother and he gets to start school. He didn't have any real close friends in Texas.

The last daycare school he was at I believe he picked up this agressive behavior because some friends of his was like that. Now he was rebellious in home daycare but he never threatened anyone. Unfortunately since from what I heard from a well trusted daycare provider that home daycares in Louisiana don't have strong standards they have to comply with to get a license but also since we need someone to transport and home daycares don't do that he is in a center. One thing he has never done is say the provider is doing something to him though I believe one of his daycare providers is extremely critical of him. I wish we had him in home daycare because the providers there are motivated. You get some 18 year old and pay them 6.00 hr to watch 30 kids and they probably aren't as motivated.
One thing I will try to do is reward him for good behavior and my wife advised me not to go and ask everyday if he has been good or not because if something sticks out they will let you know.
He was good yesterday when we went to dinner but there was a state trooper sitting next to us for some reason he doesn't fear God but he fears the police. I will keep you updated.
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Old August 8th, 2006, 11:50 AM
nolou525 nolou525 is offline
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I agree with your wife about not asking everyday if he was good. Believe me, they will tell you if there was a problem. As for rewarding him, do it with small items and don't promise a reward you can't deliver.

Another idea is a weekly sticker board. You can purchase them at an educational store or make one (follow the link below)http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/fre...blank_charts:_ Also let him pick out the stickers of a character/item that he likes and only give them to him for his chart.

If you use the one from the link above, put his name across the top. There are 8 blocks going down. Use one block for Monday-Sunday. In the bottom block put a picture or write the reward he gets if he fills each day with a sticker. Each night before bed, if he "followed the rules", have him put a sticker in the block. Make the rewards small but things that he really enjoys. (favorite dessert, small toy, favorite restaurant, favorite DVD etc.) You can even extend this by month or full chart to reward him with a larger item if he fills each or most blocks. The good thing about this is he can watch his progress and will learn he needs to behave in a certain way to earn what he likes/wants.

I hope this makes sense. I use the sticker method in my daycare to help with potty training. It works wonderful. After 17 years of doing daycare, you can imagine how kids I've trained.

Good luck.
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Old August 8th, 2006, 01:55 PM
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When you are eligible for insurance, contact LSU education department and see if perhaps one of the early childhood professors can offer you some suggestion

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